Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
