Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
