put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
why is half of my head shaved?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
