the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
