I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
