dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
