yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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