i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
