Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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