i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
