final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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