If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
