put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
