i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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