just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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