I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
