absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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