I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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