I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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