life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
