Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
