Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
