I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he puts the penis in happiness.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
