I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
