Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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