whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
