I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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