Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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