I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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