I want to have your abortion
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
