Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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