we're chasing vodka with high fives
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
