tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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