what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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