and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
