i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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