why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
