Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
