Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
