Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am naked and annoyed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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