I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Farmville is her only friend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
