We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
