I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
