I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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