All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
