I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
