I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
