dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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