12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
