So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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