i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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