Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
