I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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