Can i not drive my cunt home
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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